I knew when I woke up today, and I could still feel the dull pounding over my eyes, it was going to be a long day. It’s only 10:45am, and I’ve been at my desk for a little over 3 hours. I’ve listened to a conversation about a book thats being passed around my department.
Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man: What Men Really Think About Love, Relationships, Intimacy, and Commitment by Steve Harvey. Here’s an excerpt from the book:
I’m telling you right now: if you go to your man with a situation that’s fixable and he doesn’t try to fix it, he is not your man—he is not in love with you. Go ahead, I dare you to try it for yourself. When your man comes over, tell him, “You know, I just can’t stand this kitchen this way. The color just throws me all off, the cabinets are all wrong, they don’t go with the stove and I can’t get my mind right in here when I’m trying to cook.” If he’s all the way in it with you, he will say, without hesitation, “What color you want this kitchen to be, baby?” Tell him “pink,” and see if by next Saturday the whole kitchen isn’t painted pink, cabinets and all. He will see your distress, understand that if you don’t like the cabinets and the walls and the way the stove functions, you’re going to walk into that kitchen with your mouth poked out—phoning in the home-cooked meals because you just can’t hook up the steaks and baked potatoes like you want to in a kitchen you can’t stand. And we definitely don’t want that, so to the hardware store we will go. Even if we don’t have money for a complete remodel, we’ll go and find you some hardware for the cabinets, maybe some new handles, and some sandpaper—lots of sandpaper—to get that color you can’t stand off your cabinets, so that we can refinish them exactly the way you want them to be finished. A man who really loves you can’t wait to do this for you, because in the back of his mind, he can envision you with a smile on your face, setting his place at the head of the table, and serving up a fine meal in the new kitchen he fixed just for you. (Oh, make no mistake about it: we want to see you happy, but it’s also all about the return, ladies. Please understand and respect the return.)
Ok. I’ve got nothing against self-improvement, evolving into a better person, and maybe trying to understand “your man” better. Whatever, thats your prerogative. However ,when I hear these two dumb bitches talk about this crappy self-help book with our supervisor 2 feet away, I’m suddenly filled with rage. Just shut up, and do the work so I don’t have to do it for you. I barely get through the day without fielding at least 50 of their asinine questions about the simplest things, so more productivity on their part might help me keep some semblance of sanity. Also, it’s a stupid fucking book.
Stay tuned, I’ve got a string of emails from my coworker (who is singing loudly to gospel music in the cubicle next to me) with paragraph long Bible Verses.